I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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