there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
