Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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