I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize