he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
