you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
