If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
