I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
