you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
