i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
