I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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