Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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