Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
