just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
