I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
