We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
