Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
