I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
