So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dick very happy bro
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
