I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
