In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
