"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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