i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
