The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Randomize
