Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
