it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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