i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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