I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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