Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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