U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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