i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
