why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
