My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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