You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
