My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
