I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize