We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
