***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
