Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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