The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude i'm inner monologue high
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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