I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
