We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
