I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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