So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
