1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
tell me about the eggs
Randomize