If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Four minutes until I can fart!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
