god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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