scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
