Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
