Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How's work?
Spinning.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
