He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
