I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
