well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
