It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize