she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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