What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
