I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
