even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Let's paint friendship bongs
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
