Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
