the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
