He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
