he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
