who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
