Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
