Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
