White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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