You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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