Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize