I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
