I wish I only lived at night.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
